This week has been filled with a mixture of happiness and anxiety which I am honestly okay with.
Throughout all of my counselling and group therapy sessions I have been told that I will never not have a mental health disorder but I will learn to manage it. This is definitely true and this week has proven it to me.
There is a lot of stuff going on right now and it is all positive but that scares me a little bit because I know that when it gets tough, it is really going to get tough. It is kind of like the universe wants me to live in extremes and I am not sure that I am really welcoming to that fact. I can cope with the amazing positive periods but then when it comes to the negatives my body shuts down and I just can’t seem to cope.
Anyway, enough of that.
Here is an insight into how my week has been and the things that I have been up to 😊
So, as you may or may not know, I have recently started a new role within the company that I work for and I absolutely love it. My manager is one of my closest friends (probably my best friend) and she makes working life so enjoyable for me. I can get on with my work but also have a laugh and I am not left wallowing in my own depressive state. Finally I am being included in proper conversations and I don’t feel as much of a burden. I feel like an asset. As well, although I absolutely loved working in the same room as my girlfriend, a lot of the stigma has gone when it comes to us. I still feel it a lot but at least people aren’t looking at us and thinking that we aren’t getting on with our jobs because we ‘just want to sit and talk all of the time’. It is quite refreshing to not be outwardly judged on a daily basis.
In my opinion, when you enjoy the job you’re doing, your life outside of work is better. Your day goes faster when you’re working and the evening can be spent not worrying about going in the next day or how much work you’re going to have to do. I can leave my work at work and forget about it until the next day.
In other news, I rode a horse for the first time today! Random, I know. My manager owns five horses and we went to see them this evening. My girlfriend, lets call her S, and my manager encouraged me to not be scared and just bite the bullet. Granted, it took me about 10 minutes to get on the horse but a lot of squealing later, I was on! It was empowering to be up there and to know that I actually could do it. It puts a lot of other things into perspective. They were both elated for me and that made me feel amazing. In addition, being outside in the fresh countryside air was so refreshing and made our evening so much more relaxing. It was so peaceful.
S and I have managed to spend a lot more quality time together this week although we have been super busy. It has been so nice just to lie down on the sofa, binge watch different things, have a cuddle, laugh together. Our lives are always so hectic because we have a million people to see and never have enough time for ourselves. We always say that we are going to start to put ourselves first but that never happens because when we plan to do something together, someone wants something or we have plans that we have forgotten about. That can be quite stressful at times but we are both people who like to give a lot and don’t want anything in return. We sacrifice our own time together to make sure that everyone else is happy. We are working on that, we are working to make more time for ourselves because we want to enjoy our home and each other’s company more often.
Also, I have a driving lesson after work on Saturday! I am so excited for this!
I have attempted to learn to drive for the last 6 years but I have never had more than a few lessons because I get really anxious and I think that the instructor is getting annoyed with me. I bought myself a car a few months ago, she is called Rosie, and S’s dad has been helping me build my confidence with driving before I go into full lessons. I truly believe that I am going to follow this through and finally pass my driving test. If I can do that, I will be ecstatic! That will make me realise that I am not as incapable as I may feel sometimes.
Oh! I also bought my domain today! I am finally conquerthemadness.com! How professional does that sound?! 😊 😊 😊
I am extremely proud that I have done this and I have been able to build myself a platform to give myself and others support and guidance. It is so therapeutic to write out your thoughts and feelings and post them to the world. I feel as though I am not bottling myself up and I can be as open and honest as I want to be without worrying about what other people think. If others don’t like what I am writing or think that I’m just ‘another person wanting to blog’, I don’t really mind. People have their own opinions and I am just happy to plod on as I am.
I mentioned earlier that I have been feeling anxious this week. I’m not sure if I have touched on this at all but I always worry about things that I have done in the past and that I am ashamed of/feel guilty about. I am fully aware that I can’t change the past but it doesn’t stop me worrying about things. I know that people probably won’t but I would appreciate it if you could comment if you also worry about the same things that I do. I need to see that I am not alone and that it is perfectly normal for me to feel the way that I feel 😊
I think that is everything for now…
If I think of anything else, I will update this post!
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this update, it means a lot to me to know that I have a community of bloggers who are in the same situations as me.